Why Don’t Our New Year’s Resolutions Work? How Change Actually Happens
Click here to skip to the end for signs that a plan will work.
Motivation does not produce change on its own.
All my clients are motivated, that's why they seek my help.
But we can be motivated and still be stuck.
We can want to make change but feel hopeless, afraid or helpless.
We can take steps to try to change our lives, but not see results.
When we set a New Year's resolution, we are deciding that things will be different this year.
But if you've set a New Year's resolution before then you know it isn't that simple.
Three reasons why New Year's resolutions don't work out (click each reason to read more):
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It’s natural to set intense and exciting goals.
If we really want something, we’re more motivated by imagining a quick and radical change.
This is especially true if we have felt stuck for a long time.
But is our plan sustainable?
Radical change may feel great and exciting at first, but if our plan is overwhelming or inflexible it may not last, leaving us hopeless again.
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How do we talk to ourselves when we struggle?
If we’ve been living with an exhausting and upsetting problem for a long time, we probably aren’t kind to ourselves when change doesn't go as planned.
This is understandable. But if we judge ourselves for struggling, being inconsistent, or for things out of our control, we lose our faith in ourselves.
Genuine faith in ourselves is built over time and experience. Successes convince us that more effort is worth it.
It’s natural to judge ourselves, so learning to uplift ourselves at our lowest takes considerable practice.
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If you typically struggle to trust yourself, feel confident, or feel hopeful, that struggle will probably continue as you try to create change in the new year.
Lasting change comes from gradually overcoming the barriers that stop you from changing your life.
When we set goals that leave us feeling worse about ourselves, they reinforce our hopelessness and make it even harder to change and grow.
In therapy, we process fears and frustrations, recognize why efforts haven't worked, and engineer gradual success that builds lasting confidence and self-trust.
What are the signs we will make lasting change?
Our plans make us feel cautiously optimistic.
Actions feel approachable and doable.
Each step is designed to slowly build our confidence.
We are over 90% confident we can do each step.
Progress doesn't rely on perfection or consistency.
Every action feels like an expression of who we are and want to be.
We would suggest the approach to someone we care about.
We can recognize any signs of progress, even if they weren’t what we were imagining or expecting.
Get in touch with me to share what you’ve experienced. Let’s work together to you restore your confidence and make lasting changes.
Cory Madison, M.S.Ed., M.Phil.Ed.
Mental Health Therapist
The above is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should not replace consultation with a medical professional. The above is my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person. All examples are hypothetical amalgams, not involving actual people.
